That Elusive Thing Called Sleep…

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Any and all improvements made in the night-time sleep department seem to have vanished. We saw a slight increase in night-time sleep when we switched to a high fat diet for Apollo…but slowly that has crumbled away until he is back to waking three or four times a night. And worst of all it sometimes takes 30-45 minutes to get him back to sleep…Yes, I am dead, dead, dead tired. And I've been sick for over a month with a cold (or something) I just can't shake. Probably because I can't get more than two hours of sleep at a time.

I'm also incredibly discouraged about Apollo's eating. It is work, work, work to get him to eat enough to not walk around hungry and grumpy. He ends up eating at least one of these a day, just to fill his tummy. Unfortunately, they are fat free. My theory is that  while he can eat regular, solid food, whatever is obstructing his trachea makes it too much work to eat enough…hence him eating the pureed baby food. We've had zero luck getting him to drink: goat's milk or high calorie formula. I did have some success with this Odwalla Superfood juice though. It is an incredible amount of work to get him to eat and I have no idea if his night waking is because he's hungry, in pain (from reflux) or just in the "habit" of waking. We are still five weeks off from his next visit to the pulmonologist and if he simply sends us on our merry way again without trying to find the source of the suspected obstruction, I may just cause an obstruction in his trachea.

And on that note, Apollo's "wet" breathing sound is often absent now- definitely a good thing. He now however gets noticably "out of breath" if when he cries or runs around. It is disturbing to see your one year old wheeze and retract from simply playing like a toddler.

{If you're new here you may want to read this update on his health}

And for those of you interested in my recent post about Avi, you may want to click back to that post…I responded to some of the comments and added a few things I forgot when I was writing it up}

At the Lake

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Mordecai has a real flair for jumping off the swings!

Yesterday we finally had another beautiful summer day. They’ve been few and far between this year, so we try to take advantage of every one.

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Hezekiah’s a wee bit more practical and straightforward in his jumping.

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And Avi. You, my dear friends, are always up for a good Avi story…right? Avi saw me taking pictures of the boys jumping off the swing and wanted to get in on the action.

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So I took this shot. But despite the Mary Poppins-esque-ness of the photo, she didn’t like it. It didn’t have the oomph that Mordecai’s photo had. So she wanted me to take more. No problem.

As she was swinging a little girl came up to her and said, “Excuse me, but when you come back to play would you please not throw bark at us?”. Being the mean, cruel mother that I am, I made her answer the little girl. The girl replied with a cheerful, “Okay, and thanks for answering!” and skipped off.

Avi, on the other hand, was fuming. I’ve said it before, hell hath no fury like an Avi scorned.

Now Avi was out to punish public enemy number one. Me. Her face was dark and angry and she immediately began complaining that if I took pictures of her jumping Hezekiah would be in them. In a moment of uncalled for optimism, I moved directly in front of her and said, “Okay, I’ll take pictures from here”. Avi would not be appeased. She continued to complain loudly that that Hezekiah would be in her pictures (something that didn’t bother her a bit until she was mad at me). So I responded cheerfully, okay, I’ll just take pictures of Hezekiah then. I turned my camera and waited a few moments to frame the shot, then took one of Hezekiah. The moment the shutter was pressed and I began to lower my camera, Avi launched herself off the swing and before her feet even touched the ground she was wailing, “You said you would take a  picture of me. Why didn’t you take my picture?” and on and on ad naseum. The entire time until we left the park.

*sigh*

I share this story with you because this is life with Avi at six. When I talk about her behavioral issues, this is a prime example of what I mean. Any time we take her out around other people, or we have people over to our house, she becomes overstimulated and begins to act out. Please don’t take this antedote in the wrong way. I wasn’t mad at Avi. Quite the opposite. As infuriating (and humilating) as it can be at times, my heart breaks for my little girl who doesn’t yet have the skills to play with others her age. Prior to this incident, I watched Avi looking and groups of children playing. She was observing them. Studying them. And yet, when she approached, she couldn’t keep herself together. Craving the negative attention, she felt the need to be mean, rather than to play. It is something we are working on and I have confidence she will eventually overcome this, but right now it’s really, really hard. For both of us.

If you see me at the park, you will recognize me right away. I’m the mean mom who always either: picks on Avi (look, I refused to take a picture of my little girl!) or the mom who makes her poor daughter sit by her side the whole time.

*sigh*

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My older children were at the park with us, but they were off exploring the lake.

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And hanging around.

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I see a future Gap model, what do you think?

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Apollo discovered the simple joy of throwing wet sand. At me.

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Judah said he saw some fish and when I told Apollo, he walked over to the lake and started making his very distinctive sound “zzzsssszzzzzz” that means fish. It sounds nothing like the word “fish” but we all know what it means.

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Have a great weekend!

 

What About Baby K?

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If you're a regular reader of this blog, you probably know that my friend Hilary picked up Baby K straight from the hospital at 3 days old as a "short term" placement. She is now nearly nine month old.

{Sorry, I'm not allowed to show Baby K's face on my blog…so photos of Apollo will have to suffice}

She is now in very real danger of being moved away from the only family she has known and loved…not because it will be better for her but because of state "policies"…none of which are in her best interest. 

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Hilary and her family are once again facing the reality of losing a child they love.  While you might say that's part of their "job" as foster parents, they have also poured every ounce of love and care they have into this baby girl. They have taken her for weekly visits to her birth parents, given them photos, and overall formed a good relationship with them. Unfortunately, the birth parents won't ever be able to parent their precious baby….I don't know the details of K's case- they are all confidential, but I do know if she is moved right now it is for political reasons- not because anyone thinks she will be better off in her new placement.

{Read Hilary's recent post about it here}

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I also know that my friend is hurting deeply…she is terrified Baby K will be moved and (and really, who knows how many times?) and develop Reactive Attachment Disorder. Why is this such a fear of Hilary's? Perhaps because she lives with the affects of RAD every day in her home. She knows how damaging these moves are to the very soul of a child. If you're a long time reader, you probably remember Gideon and Molly being placed with them, for adoption, back in 2009…and left 2 1/2 months later (after being told by caseworkers this was their "forever family") with little warning to go with relatives who suddenly decided they wanted to adopt them. Gideon and Molly were returned, just as abruptly, months later when the relatives (who they were told would now be their "forever family") returned them…unfortunately they returned much more damaged children….children who have learned time after time, no one can be trusted…no one.

Please pray. Pray for Hilary. Pray for Baby K. And pray most of all, that the system changes. And then don't just pray. Call your state representatives (as Hilary has) become aware of what is going on in your state…and please, for Baby K's sake, get involved.