6 Reasons to Have an Only Child

posted in: Humor, Large Family | 20

Six Reasons to Have an Only Child

Reasons to have an only child

1. Missing Socks

I mean, seriously, how many mismatched socks can you have with only one two-legged kid? Not this many, I assure you.

2. Dinner.

With only one kid you can’t possibly need a stack of sandwiches this big to go along with your two or three side dishes. Shoot, you could order a pizza or *gasp* go to a real restaurant (or a fast food one, for that matter).

3. They can’t play the “Whodunit” game.

I mean, if there’s only one kid, they can’t exactly deny having been the one to: draw on the wall, put toys in the toilet or break the broom. Or, you know,  put the keys in the coffee maker. My kids, on the other hand, would keep denying it under duress and torture (which I’ve never actually tried, by the way). And while I’ve never durress-ed or tortured them, I have made them go to bed early or forego dessert.

*shudder*

4. Strangers view you completely differently.

toddler boy in dress, boy in dress
Tucker sporting an Old Navy dress.*

If you go out with one child dressed in: mismatched boots, a fluorescent tutu over torn jeans, a flowered shirt with a plaid vest topped off with a  hat you’re letting them “express themselves” and will likely end up in a Meme labeled: Parenting Done Right. Go out with four or more kids, and have just one dressed in the afore-mentioned outfit and you are: neglectful, don’t have time to dress your kid, and don’t really care.

5. Fostering Independence is Admired in Only Children.

And considered neglect with more than one.

If your One and Done preschooler can: dress himself, make a sandwich and buckle his car seat, they are considered “independent and precocious”. If your seventh child can do the same things, it considered “fending for themselves”.

tucker avi cheese
Tucker and Avi circa 2007

6. Sleep.

When one kid’s asleep he’s asleep. End of story.

But you know what, here are a couple of really good reasons to have more than one kid:

You’d miss out on a whole lot of really neat people in your life with only one child.

zone bars, zone perfect

leappad, leapfrog, monsters u

And the amazing special bond siblings have with one another.woodland park zoo, starlight foundation

My philosophy? Have only one child. Or a dozen. Or more. However many you can raise and raise well.

And don’t forget to have a little fun along the way.

*Backstory: Tucker had cute shorts overall made out of this exact material (from Old Navy). I loved them and he wore them frequently. Someone gave us a bag of hand-me-downs with this cute dress…In a hurry one morning I grabbed what I thought was the shorts, changed his diaper and dressed him. He was squirrelly and ran off before I could snap the crotch. I didn’t realize my mistake until Adalia asked me in horror why Tucker was wearing a dress…

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20 Responses

  1. Fun little list. We have a only child and those are pretty much true except that he will still play the Whodunit game… 🙂 The jury is still out on whether he will remain an only child or be a big brother!

  2. That’s funny! And true! Love (and hate) the part about being seen as neglectful if a child of many dresses ‘interestingly’ or is self-sufficient. So true.
    Enjoy those great kids of yours.

  3. This is great, and so true about if your first child does it, versus your 6th or 7th. What a great point, I may be stealing that! I just might copy you on this list, on my own blog (using my own words)….not that anyone reads my blog, lol. Also, define “raise well” {{feeling overwhelmed as a mom with 6 little boys}}

  4. Rachel Meurer

    so true!

  5. I’ve never really thought about how people view/judge onlies vs. multiples so differently- I’m sure what you pointed out is so true!

  6. We have had this conversation before! I love it. I especially remember when my 3rd child (a boy) wore white and you asked me how I kept his clothes white. To which I replied, “I just wash it.” Now, all our whites are stained.

  7. I love number 4! Do you remember the time Duncan wet his pants in the car, so I showed up at cub scouts with him in Devon’s flowered capris because I didn’t have a change of clothes for him? I was feeling completely mortified and figured everyone would give me that whole “you obviously have too many kids to take care of” thing. Then you told me to look at your kids feet. Avi was wearing mismatched shoes, Jubilee was wearing slippers, and one of the little boys had his boots (with shorts) on the wrong feet. I felt so much better!

  8. But one is not as much fun as two, and three is more fun than two, and hey . . . messy, shmessy!

  9. To do list (in a few years, ahem, married)

    #1Have a kid or two.
    #2 Repeat #1

    lol.

  10. cecily spencer

    love it!

  11. I love your comment about the independence. My 2 yo can dress herself, and so can my 2 yo grand-daughter. The Infant Development worker commented that they probably had to, because there are “so many” children. There are 6. Three have been dressing themselves for years. The baby is 1. I just figured the 2 yos watched the bigs and copied them! They also both have definite opinions about their clothing choices, so they don’t want me to dress them!

  12. Love the list!! Especially numbers 4 and 5. 🙂

  13. northofdelaware

    My only child (for another 3 months) regularly plays the whodunit game with the cats. They are routinely blamed for her mischief making….including her stuffed cat Wally. I once went to get her from her nap….and her room was trashed. She immediately said, “Wally what happened here!”

    What I find baffling about this is its not like she’s punished for these things! At worst she has to help us clean up, something she likes to do. It’s as if passing the buck is built into our genes.

  14. I was an “only lonely ” kid, so I always tried to blame the cat….

  15. I have seven, but my one little liar blames not a sibling, but a made up blob, when he does something naughty. I hope he doesn’t figure out that it is harder to figure out whodunnit when he blames a real person.

    #4 and #5 are so true.

    And when I have only one kid around at dinner, I don’t even bother making dinner. Wait, that has never happened. IF I had only one kid around at dinner time, I wouldn’t bother making dinner. Sometimes I don’t bother making dinner if I have only THREE kids around!

  16. Love this. I have an only. If she does something selfish its because…only child. If a kid with siblings does it, its just human nature. 🙂

  17. Love Love that picture with the bites out of the block of cheese.

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