It all started with Winnie the Pooh. In the year or two before Adalia was born, I really liked Winnie the Pooh…not the Disney Character, but the book, by A.A. Milne. I found Milne’s writing charming and refreshing. Therefore, when I had a baby, she received some Pooh stuff. A few outfits. A toy or two. It was all good. Then one day, when my toddler was just over a year old, we were out grocery shopping. She began pointing from the cart. And grunting. Then yelling. Then convulsing (my firstborn was a bit, ah, intense). All because she spotted a box of cereal with Winnie the Pooh on it. Nothing would be right in her world until she possessed that box of cereal. Keep in mind, she had no idea what was in that box, but just knew, in every fiber of her being, that she must have that box.
It was a real eye-opener for me. My precious toddler had no love for that brand of cereal. She didn’t even know it was cereal. But she wanted it. More than anything else in the world. The discovery of Pooh Bear in the grocery store that day led to more discoveries. And more. Pooh was all over the place. And she wanted everything with him on it. Disney had a hold of daughter, who had never even seen the a Winnie the Pooh movie. I didn’t want Adalia (or my other children) attached to certain items or brands simply because of a cartoon character.
When I brought it up to a friend with a toddler the same age (and a couple of older children as well) she said, “I see it as something familiar to her in the big world”. True. But I saw a child bent on possessing everything in her sight with Pooh on it. Clothing, shoes, cereal, fruit snacks. It was all the same to her.
So we ditched the characters. No one missed them. We didn’t own a tv or videos (we now have a DVD player and watch movies together on occasion). They saw (and see) no commericals aimed at children. When my children were younger they didn’t recognize sesame Street, Disney or Pixar characters. Once they got older they learned about them through MOPS, friends and movies at the dentist’s office. The characters weren’t any more or less important to them than anything else. This system has served us well over the years.
Until Apollo, that is. Apollo has recently switched to disposable diapers (that would be another post in itself). We use Seventh Generation diapers which have no bleach, scent etc. And also no designs (read: characters). A friend recently gave us a pack of diapers she had received when her son was in the hospital but were too small. They were Pampers diapers with Sesame Street characters on them. And Apollo the Observer noticed. It was cute. He pointed and we told him it was Elmo. He loved his Elmo diapers. He liked them better than Seventh Generation. The package ran out and we continued to diaper him in Seventh Generation. Elmo was forgotten.
Then he choked badly on a piece of food and I had to call 911 and we were transported to the hospital in an ambulance. And in the ambulance one of the paramedics gave him a giant trumpet playing Cookie Monster, who he immediately dubbed “Elmo”. I could see what was coming. An obsession with all things Sesame Street. Now I don’t have an issue with the show itself (which I don’t think I’ve even seen) or the characters themselves, but with the mass marketing and brand loyalty that comes with it, exerting its influence over my one year old.
Apollo has been attached to his Sea Otter which was given to us used, so never hooked up to the computer. He was simply Apollo’s snuggle toy. Unfortunately he went missing right around the time Cookie Monster joined our household. So last week I loaded up Apollo (and half a dozen siblings) and took him to pick out a new toy. We wanted Apollo to have a comfort item for his visits to the Children’s Hospital. Several of the kids had been begging to go to Wal-Mart to pick up a few items, so away we went.
Unfortunately all of the stuffed animals in the toy section were licensed characters of some sort. We headed to the baby section next and Apollo found this Garanimals My Best Friend Doll and it was all he wanted. He wouldn’t even look at anything else. Now, I’m pretty open-minded and my older boys all played with dolls, but I knew Chuck would not be impressed with exchanging even Trumpet Playing Cookie Monster with a pink doll.
So off to Fred Meyer we headed where Apollo selected a new friend. A furry little monkey whom he immediately named (what else?) Elmo.
Oh sure, It’s all my fault. I just try to pass on some free diapers and now it’s my fault your kid is market obsessed! Owen never even noticed the characters on the diaper, he just cried for his softy diapers.
Yup Kara, this was ALL about blaming you
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Ok. Color me confused.
I read this post twice and still can’t understand the issue with “Elmo.”
You say: I didn’t want Adalia (or my other children) attached to certain items or brands simply because of a cartoon character
Many children attach to certain, say, animals. Bears, monkeys. The like. As long as they see something with their favorite animal…they will point and smile and want.
Your children play with LEGO. LEGO is a brand name product. They love building things and if they see LEGO they may even comment on it.
So, how is a childs love a particular animal and your children’s liking of LEGO somehow different than “elmo”?
Just as you refuse to allow your children to have everything with LEGO. And you would refuse to allow a child to have everything with a certain animal, why can you not use this same with “elmo”
but with the mass marketing and brand loyalty that comes with it, exerting its influence over my one year old
You and your husband, your values and all that is involved in being a parent has the most poweful influence over your one year old. You. Your child sees LEGO on “everything”, you say “no.” Your child sees a bear on “everything” you say “no”.
Just as you wouldn’t allow a child to overindulge on sweets, and they may want sweets when they see them in a store, you say “no” and with time, your child knows that they won’t get it. Somtimes they may try to ask, but most times they won’t.
Take your knitting/crocheting. If your kids see a book or a particular skine of yarn they may mention it or point it out. You will decide to say “no” they will move on.
I just don’t see how “elmo” is any different than any other thing a child latches onto. And how your control of that should be different.
How LEGO and yarn and Duck Tape is different than “Elmo”.
Sara, thanks for sharing your perspective, and I’ll try to answer your questions. I suppose the difference I see between a generic animal and a licensed character is (for the most part) animals are not being used to sell specific products (say, cereal or fruit snacks). If Apollo gets obssessed with monkeys, it’s not as likely, in my opinion to cause him to want to buy specific products. I have no problem with them liking a certain brand if the reason he likes it is not based on character advertising. For instance, we’ve been buying our children coats from Lands End for over ten years…not because of an ad we saw but because the coats hold up, are priced reasonably they have a great return policy. The Duck Tape is a perfect example of that. Not too long ago Tilly bought a different brand of duct tape and was disappointed to find it was cheap and flimsy. As a consumer, she’s making a choice to buy the more expensive Duck Tape because she feels like it is a better value. Perhap LEGO is used to sell food and other products, but I haven’t seen it. Also, LEGO is a toy, not a character (or group of characters) that my children are attached to. Perhaps that goes on somewhere, but in our house the kids just like to build stuff. I agree that in the long run we have a bigger influence on our children than the media, but when you’re 18 months old, NOW is all that matters. And not buying into all of the “hottest” products from the latest movie is part of our value system. Building with LEGO (the vast majority were bought used and bulk, so my children never had the origional plans), making things out of Duck Tape and knitting are all creative pursuits that, in my opinion require more imagination. While searching for an article I read years ago (but couldn’t find tonight) I stumbled upon this video. This is exactly what I witnessed in Adalia 14 years ago.
I have only read the post and this response so far. I am so glad I am not the only one who feels like you Renee. Although where I live I sometimes feel like it..My kids are avid Lego, Clipo, Trio, Magnetix, Lincoln logs builders. We also did not jump on the commercial toy bandwagon.. We encourage open ended play such as building, play kitchens, clay, play dough, train tracks(no Thomas), art supplies, balls, dress up, bikes, wooden play structures, trucks, dolls that are generic etc….
It is so nice to go to a store and buy a gift and not have my kids pester for a particular toy because it is a character.My children have never been attached to any particular toy.
I have many nephews and have seen them go through Batman phases and Spider Man etc….Exactly as Renee described, they would gladly take an empty box if it had a pic of Batman on it, not even questioning what is in the box. Today at the gym this women kept talking to my daughter about the daughter daddy dance that was coming up and how “princesses” would be there. This made my daughter smile, but it did give me great joy when the lady went on and on about Jasmine and Belle and Cinderella and my daughter had no clue.
I have seen many kids fail to know how to engage in open ended play as most(not all) character driven toys are one use toys. Meaning they usually possess batteries or specific pieces to play with the toy. You can lose Legos and still play. You can run out of a color of paint and still paint. I have seen many toys that are useless as one piece was missing or lost. We donate anything that is commercial driven in this household.
I see were you are coming from. I was raised in waldorf school and never had TV. My children lead fairly sheltered homeschooled lives as well and when everything for kids is marketed so that they want more, more, more than it just makes life hard on Mum and the focus leaves what IS important in life. LEGO is for your older children I assume and older children are less likely to be obsessed by brand loyalty ( in my experience). I say “Go Renee” I think you are 100% right in this decision and this is how we chose to raise our 6 children, wooden toys and quality books, no Disney or Sesame Street please:)
We have television and internet. As a mother of seven, I find that kids only want “more, more,more” if you let them have more, more, more.
Anne, very true. And we choose to avoid the licensed characters all together.
I am not sure why this is getting personal here. It feels a little strange to me. I am speaking from personal experience, which is exactly that, personal so someone else’s family could be completely different and voicing support on Renee’s blog seems appropriate to me without getting a funny response. ok i am done now.
Lara, thank you for your kind comment. Don’t worry, I don’t feel like I’m being attacked
The first comment was from a good friend and she was being sarcastic (hence my response) and the others are fine too. I have no problem with differing viewpoints.
oh good, the first comment was obviously funny but the response to mine seemed odd. glad all is well. i love reading your blog and have read it daily for over 2 years now, thanks for sharing your life on line!
We don’t necessarily avoid all licensed characters. But we do avoid TV for this reason. My children suddenly *need* all kinds of things when they see any TV show with commercials! It is amazing how in tune they become with their lack of all things material when we are in a hotel or at a friend’s house where they might watch TV.. Children are by nature greedy and want whatever they see, but we can certainly help discourage that by limiting what they are exposed to by way of media or what we allow in our home.
I forgot to add that my also do not watch any commercial TV. They do on occasion watch PBS which unfortunately has seemed to merge with Nickolodeon or something. They could care less about Dora etc…They do watch a bit of Curious George, but that is mostly the the unschooler in us showing another example that you can learn through curiosity/exploration. They watch so little TV it has not even crossed their mind to ask for something “Curious George”
Branding is everywhere! I grew up with tv/Internet/video games etc, but my parents have been pretty good with not buying things just because a character is on the package. When I wanted a Disney princess tissue box (which I actually did get) it had to meet the criteria that: 1. We needed more tissues 2. It is the type of tissues we use 3. It is the same price or cheaper than the plain box. If it doesn’t meet the criteria we don’t get it. Or we have to pay for it ourselves. I dont think branding is necessarily a bad thing, but I understand your not wanting to expose your children to it at such a young age.
Emily from NZ- that sounds like a very balanced approach!
The difference between branding when I was a kid and branding now seems to be how *engineered* the brands are now — carefully designed and tweaked to insinuate themselves into kids’ minds almost instantaneously. We hold the no-branded toys, no TV line in our house (public TV = exception) but receive gifts from grandparents and others. And the instant our boys open a package of Thomas trains or “Cars” cars (which we always, always call “Green Engine” or “Red Car with Eyes”, and never by name), they are HOOKED. It’s like a designer drug for 3 year olds.
And I can’t speak for any other branded toys, but the Thomas engines are of shockingly poor quality for the (inflated) price. A typical conversation about them, when the 5 year old sees one:
“Mama, could we get another Thomas train?”
“No. Remember we got one, and it stopped working after only two days? And Karl’s never worked well at all?”
“Yeah…”
Robyn- EXACTLY- they are engineered to coincide with every new “kids” movie coming out. And are usually released a few weeks prior to the movie! It drives me crazy. I have seen so many little kids I’ve known over the years HAVE to have everything relating to the newest movie…
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It has led to some entertaining “culture jamming” moments more recently, though. A few weeks ago, also with the learning-to-read 5 year old:
“Mama, this sticker of a fish says ‘Nemo’!”
“Yeeeees…..”
“What does Nemo mean?”
“Nemo is the name of the captain of the submarine in a book called ’20,000 Leagues Under the Sea’, which is about voyaging under the ocean and seeing whales and giant squid and other creatures and having adventures.”
“Oh! Could we read that?”
“Of course we could. We’ll look for it in the library.”
I really appreciate reading everyone’s thoughts on this topic. We don’t buy licensed character toys, clothes, etc for our kids partly for the reasons you’ve explained, Renee, and partly because I generally don’t like the way they look and don’t want my house full of them. I know many disagree with that statement, but I like the look of our playroom, which is filled with (mostly, though not quite all) wooden, fairly simple toys. But my kids definitely do not feel deprived–they play dolls, dress up, kitchen, trains, cars, blocks, etc all day long quite happily. They make up stories, read books, and when they go to a friend’s house, they generally ignore licensed character toys and play with the open ended toys, like what we have at home.
What I struggle with as my children get older, is what to do with gifts they receive that we don’t like. I would love to hear the thoughts of those of you with older kids. My grandma gave my boys a Thomas folding table and chairs for Christmas, and they love sitting at it for snacks and drawing (the kids are 4, 3, and 18 months). I think they like it mostly because they like sitting at a small table, and less so because of Thomas. Because they really enjoy it, I have a hard time getting rid of it. I would be glad to replace it with another non-character set, but we don’t have the money to do that at the moment. That’s just one example, but my aunt and grandma give them toys all the time that don’t fit our criteria for what gets to take up space in our house and our kids lives. It has been easy to donate it after a couple of weeks in the past, but the kids are old enough to care now, but young enough that it is difficult for them to understand our reasons behind the toys we allow.
I allude to similar problems in my post. We’ve found that a good “wish list” is our best defense against stuff you don’t want in your house. And for some friends/relatives, you can quietly explain, in advance, that you prefer nonbranded stuff… though some just won’t get it. But it’s hard to get the house 100% character free, isn’t it?
Thanks. Yes, it is difficult. Thankfully, my parents, in laws, and most of our siblings love to buy our kids high quality, open ended toys and to add on to sets we already have (Wedgits, Duplo, the train set, etc). My aunt and grandma are the only two who insist on buying things that are enormous, poor quality, and often branded characters. They seem to think they’re saving the kids from deprivation.
My kids are 6,4 and 17 months..
It’s pretty well known in our family we don’t subscribe to commercial toys. My in laws are fantastic about it..although they don’t come out and say it I think they allude to the fact they find it challanging to find gifts without a character on it..We have been fortunate that the bulk of the gifts we get are from the grandparents and aunts and uncles and they abide by our preferences. My daughter is 4 and pretty advanced and got a book of “Disney princess puzzles” for her birthday. this was from a cousin who doesn’t really know of our preferences. We did the puzzles once and there was midrif baring Jasmine that my daughter deemed “inappropriate” because of our personal dress choices. It went in the donate bag.
If one or two toys make their way in they are usually just seen as a “car” “a princess” etc….I also LOVE our playroom. It is painted a rustic burnt orange color and really goes well with the dark wood shelves that have cubby holders from Target. We have the wooden generic train table..alot of Melissa and Doug wooden magnetic play dolls, blocks, play kitchen that is red, white and blue…The wooden bead toys look so nice.Stacking cubes.. I couldn’t stand the look of a bunch of plasticy toys either. That is a whole other topic.
So I guess the answer is if you are around family and friends enough I would just work it into conversation what the pref is. We also did a “wish list ” at Target one year for a birthday. They have “birthday registries” . i spun it on the invitation “your presence if the only gift needed, but if you would like to get O a gift here are some ideas..” then linked to Target. EVERYONE obliged.
I just re read your post. i would once again express how and WHY it is important to you to maintain character free toys in the house. If needed I would be firm. I have a situation where I am instituting a 1 gift only policy for any occassion with my kids. we are in process of trying to adopt our 4th child and when I did conservative gift giving math for holidays and bdays etc…we came up with over 200 gifts…Logistically we cannot keep up with giving away stuff. For Christmas we were forced to give away stuff that was in great condition to make room for “new” stuff…not fair to kids as you pointed out the stuff we buy lasts longer. We don’t have quite the turn over of say my nephews broken toys…
Liz- very interesting. Our children generally only get birthday gifts from grandparents- those are the only relatives we live near. And since we don’t exchange gifts at Christmas, they don’t get them then either. This cuts down on the toy clutter immensely.
I feel for Apollo not being allowed a pink baby doll. I found a blue one for you http://www.amazon.com/Kids-Preferred-90927-Baby-Doll/dp/B004KS2T84/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326636541&sr=8-1
Great discussion here; it’s fun to read. We are licensed-character free here, too. But my point is the Garanimals doll you mentioned in your post: we have her and somewhere along the way she got named “Dolly Brown Hair”. She is well-liked in our house. (:
This has been a great post-one that I shared with my husband, who immediately launched into an early morning discussion before our kids were awake:) I came back later to read the comments (Hi Kara! I miss sitting next to you in Taekwondo!) We are network TV free, however we do get DVDs from the library and own many of our own. We do let our kids watch and love Thomas, Curious George, Winnie the Pooh, Clifford, super-heros and Pokemon (for the 9 and 8yo), and Pixar (and a minimal amount of Disney princess for the girls). We do own many Thomas and Cars characters that are getting on in age and are losing their paint (lead-based?) and faces. My girls have/had princess undies while potty training because they are less likely to pee on a princess;)
We focus on the message of each show-Thomas focuses on hard work, determination, accepting responsibility for your mistakes, redemption, and working together as a team. Cars we loved because Lightning McQueen goes from being a self-centered ego maniac to someone who puts others before himself-a very Christian message in a Christ-less world. Finding Nemo-who wouldn’t love a movie about a dad who would do anything and face his biggest fears to find his lost son? Especially in an age where a father’s presence is no longer required or wanted, again in our Christ-less world?
I’ve even let my kids watch SpongeBob and play video games (gasp!) We banned SpongeBob forever because it is idiotic-and my kids know why it is banned. Would they ever pick a friend like Patrick? Probably not. When video games became the only thing my son could think about, they were banned too-and they know why. Self-control was the big issue there. We were given some hand-me-down Barbies that immediately went in the trash because they look like hookers and are not what I want my girls to think of as a grown woman. My girls got the Barbie-style Disney princesses for Christmas from my mom-I wasn’t thrilled, but my girls were. My 20 month old just stuffed Jasmine in the toilet. There goes that problem:0 Just four more to get rid of (Belle can stay because she is smart and likes to read and Tiana can stay because she works hard for what she has and doesn’t blame other people for not getting ahead)! So, we pick and choose and educate our children along the way and try to not make it a huge issue.
I haven’t found that characters, whether generic or licensed, have ever effected their imaginations negatively. Some kids like building and creating, some kids like acting out stories and having conversations. I’ve seen Thomas live in the Little People farm house with Lightning McQueen next door in my old Fisher Price dollhouse. They play hide-n-seek together with random plastic toys.
As for walking down the shopping aisle and having a product tempt my toddlers- whether it is Curious George fruit snacks or Lightning McQueen slippers, most of the time I just say, “No.” They are used to that. I say no to generic fruit snacks and slippers. We saw a $20 stuffed Thomas last week at Target. I handed it to my Thomas-loving 20 month old, let him play with it for awhile, and then I put it back. He screeched and I kept going. And that is just how we roll:)
Thanks, Renee, for starting this discussion:) This morning I “thought” I was anti-licensed character because I hate Barbie and Sesame Street and Mickey Mouse and Dora and Blues Clues and Wiggles…but it turns out I do like some characters-but I judge them based on how I judge who will be good friends and examples for my kids and myself out there in the real world.
Oh, and I hope that it doesn’t sound like we watch TV all day long-we don’t:) We also love books, hiking, Scouts, art projects, sports-you know, all that good stuff that keeps my house perpetually messy.
Anna, thank you for your thoughful (and thorough)
Recently, I needed a male doll for some research I was doing (collecting language data from small kids). I never found one. Extensive searching of the shops found only characters or monsters/animals. I just wanted a simple, male, human doll. Who would have thought that could be so hard?! I ended up sewing a really pathetic looking thing, but it did the job!!
I wanted to get my 18 month old a boy dolly for Christmas, but couldn’t find one anywhere. He is happy to play with his big sisters dolls but I thought he might like one of his own.
Apollo had a doll when he was a few months old. A cute cloth one. He loved to chew on her hair. She got a couple of tears however and was losing stuffing so we tossed her
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read your post and then scrolled down to the next post to see a pic of Apollo in what looks like Dr Seuss sneakers… were these cute branded shoes a gift? not being snarky, just asking as I love the shoes, but him wearing them seems inconsistent with what I have just read
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I just wanted to comment on the doll Apollo liked. My son has the same (or very similar) doll but it’s green instead of pink. And he named it his middle name when he was little. At 9 years old he still won’t let me get rid of it.
He has it buried under his stuffed animals that he likes on his bed. I hope Apollo is enjoying his new monkey.
I guess find it odd you wouldn’t let him have the doll, just because it was pink?
I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but I knew my husband would…and since he’s his son too, I chose not to buy it.
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The picture of Apollo with the baby sling is awesome. I wish I had gotten a picture from the day my then 2 year old boy and I walked down to town — me with his baby brother in a sling, him with his stuffed bear in a sling.
I have a great pic of my 3 yr old daughter with her baby in a blanket tied around her like a Moby wrap…..it makes me smile so much. I have seen many extended family members kids “pretend to be preg or breastfeed…” just like a doll under the shirt or a doll under a blanket held up to chest…My children were all adopted and I wasn’t able to BF due to some meds I was on…so having her imitate me wearing our babies has always been very very special and sweet to me. I have pics of my 4 yr old son doing the same thing as his Dad wore our babies too!
I found a very cute toy for my 3 and 4 year olds. They are have cute hip designs and are a twist on plush of the past. The dolls are called Huggalo Dolls and hold a photo of a person in a plush photo frame. Very high touch and low tech. It’s been a playmate and transitional object in one. And my kids are able to create their own stories with the characters instead of buying into the licensed characters and stories on TV. Thanks.
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