Tucker age 5
Teens and Facebook is often a hot topic among parents. I've heard strong opinions on both sides. I know parents who won't allow their kids accounts and parents who let their nine and ten year olds set up accounts (you are supposed to be 13 to have a Facebook account).
Chuck and I are always willing to listen to our children when they make a request. Whether it's about listening to a certain type of music or having a Facebook (or the new request- Skype) account. I would rather listen to my children and make an informed decision (even when the answer ultimately ends up being no) than just make hasty decisions that may or may not be based on fact. I remember how frustrating it was to me as a teen when I could only listen to "Christian" music. This meant anything labeled "Christian"…whether it was reflecting my family's values or not…and meant plenty of perfectly benign music was forbidden. By the way, this I was eventually able to listen to "other" music, probably after making this very argument.
Adalia started requesting a Facebook account about two years ago. Chuck and I listened, discussed it privately, and decided yes, she could have account. This of course led to Keziah having an account, as well and Judah and Tilly when they turned 13, respectively.
After a year and a half or so of Facebook accounts for my children, I have to say, that I find them to be wonderful. Facebook gives me insight into their friends, their friends' interests, passions, and often character. I have been able to "get to know" some of my children's friends who I have never met (from Mountain School, Missoula Children's Theater, Teen Missions, and Adalia's doula training, to name a few). So far, I haven't found any negatives…our children don't play games on Facebook, their time is limited but so far we've had only positive experiences.
Exactly two years ago I blogged about Technology and our Children here and here. It was interesting to re-read those…our teens are on the computer much more now that they were two years ago- and I think that's great. Just as it should be they are given more privileges as they grow and mature. Our basic rules and the same: the computer is in the same central location, passwords are given to me and Chuck.
So what do you think? How much time are your kids on the computer? Facebook yay or nay?
We have had pretty good results with 6 older ones on facebook (all 13 at least). The only thing we encountered in that when we walked by on teen son, he seemed to clear his chat. We looked into it and sure enough, a girl was making some moves. Just a young girl from youth group, and it was beginning…but it was caught (the girls mom was informed and printed a ‘lovey dovey’ conversation that her 14 yo girl shouldn’t be having). So it was taken away for a time, and now given back with more attention on our part.
I wouldn’t say FB was the problem. It was lack of supervision on our part. So just my 2 cents worth. Now for me, I get too hooked, so I quit it. But…I log into my kids accounts randomly to ‘check it out’.
(Just started following your blog. Thanks for sharing about your large family. I can relate!)
I would worry about the other kids on facebook. My husband’s 13 year old niece is on facebook and it is disturbing to see her statuses and what her friends post, to say the least. I know we all want to think our kids are different though. I’d worry more about the *other* kids.
My husband and I don’t Facebook. it was a personal decision. I did FB for a short time and found many negatives. There was the temptation to look up people from your past you have no business looking up. It brought up sad feelings over family who will never speak ,yet here we all were using this same portal in cyberspace. Something so silly as seeing that a few people had been to my sister in laws new pool when we hadn’t been invited with our family yet led to hurt feelings on my part. This wasn’t even on her page! I never said anything or did I feel I should. This wasn’t even her page. I don’t like everyone posting where we are and what we did…
These were not things I as an adult was expecting to encounter or feel so I will have to think it through for kids. I have huge reservations.I imagine it would be even worse when your child sees he has been excluded from an event etc….
My kids are just babies. the oldest being 6 so I have time. Maybe there will not be a FB by then..LOL
Also I don’t put it past children to open another FB account that parents don’t know about. Just like my spouse and I share passwords it would be naieve of me to think it impossible for him to open another email/FB account if he so chose to.
I just feel it’s alot to keep track of. I met a women the other day who said her daughter was going to college and she was just now letting her have an account as to help her be safe. She had put her email and address on her page. She was able to catch it and let daughter know this wasn’t safe.
It’s all so fast moving…wow.. great Post!!
Nay.
I am very careful opening facebook, as I don’t want my kids to see some of the stuff that pops up (including the content of the ads). I am often saddened the types of “conversations” that *good* kids are having on their facebook pages.
Thankfully, our oldest (17) doesn’t want a facebook page, and says things like, “Facebook steals your soul.”
A young person I know secretly accessed the internet on the home computer to set up a facebook page (against the adults’ wishes/rules of the house). By looking at the history, they noticed that the main interest appeared to be for music content that would not be allowed in the house…
Mainly for the reason: “lead us not into temptation” we’re not allowing our kids on facebook at this time.
More and more team sports and groups for youth are hosting facebook pages & using them for publishing schedules, etc. This can be a real disadvantage for kids who aren’t on facebook.
Liz- interesting, thoughts! Like I said, our computer is right in the middle of the house and its the only one connected to the internet. I started a Facebook account only to promote my business. I have been on for two years or so and still dont see what the appeal is or how people could spend hours on there…I mostly check on my phone. And we have limitations to who they can have as friends. Even some relatives are on the no list…
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Bridget- true, about it being used by groups/sports. Adalia is on the Honduras Horesback team page and it is a great way for her to keep in touch. I also like being able to see her chats. Everyone in the house knows Facebook isnt private- Chuck and I have the right to peek at any time.
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I am with you, Renee, in that I would never spend hours, or play those games….more check it on the phone while at dr, waiting in the car, etc. I have better things to do. My kids aren’t on there right now, & at this point, they do have better things I want them to do with their time. But, they see mine, I share things from it, etc..
As an adult, I am hooked. I have family, friends, long lost friends, and etc. on my facebook. I admit, I do play the games and find them harmless.
Now my issue comes from teens being on facebook and the drama that goes along with it. My cousin is on facebook and I truly do no believe he is mature enough to handle it but then I have a cousin who is very young with his own account that his Mom runs. Basically its a place where he plays games with his Mom and family members post loving comments. My personal thoughts…I wouldn’t allow anyone under the age of 15 and there are several between the ages of 15-18 that I wouldn’t allow on there.
I guess all children are different and I cannot see the future, but I think my children will be a lot like my moms kids were. We didnt have facebook then, but we got mail and we always read aloud from our pen pals. Never did a letter go unread to at least mama if not the other children as well. When I was dating age, I still read aloud to her. My friends came to be with my mama, because she spent time with us. As an adult, I have little kept from her. I learned as a child that being truthful with my mother kept me safe and to avoid the appearance of evil. I cant promise myself that my children will be the same, but I think if I assume they are trustworthy, they will have a greater chance of being so. They are only 9 and 10, the 10 yr old has an email acct that we created and he opens emails only from the few people in his contact list. We reserve the right to check in any time, and will keep that right. They do not do facebook, I am on it only to see family photos. I think there is drama, and some hurt can occur but that is life. The safe place is home, and your children (Renee) know that home is safe and mom and dad will listen and talk. I do not think FB will cause them problems, or cause them to stray to temptation. We will likely use it when the time comes if they have friends to connect with on there. We move a lot in the mil so it could happen.
I can’t get enough of this. We have had family at our kids birthday parties “updating status” and announcing who is doing what on FB. After I saw a cousin who is 16 posing provocative pics(in my opinion) and her Dad posting on her page just harmless stuff it blew my mind that here I knew HE knew about the photos and allowed her to keep them up. Alot of the cousins in the family would put links to inappropriate U tube videos…political policy…Things for their age that were not appropriate. Not even things I would watch. I also believe it to be a temptation. We don’t drink however either. I have known people who have gotten divorced over reconnecting with “old loves” when their marriages needed tending too. Yes this was the adults poor choice….but the temptation was there all the same.
I just didn’t see any positive in reading what people ate or when they put in their fridge or what deep dark thoughts they were posting. there was only one aunt who would post uplifting things and scripture that I liked.
There is this thing where you “check in”. I guess you earn points and possibly coupons etc…So say you walked into the library it would post “Liz just checked into FH library” I would see that all day long. As a stay at home mom it did become a time waster.
I can see if you had a business it would almost ne a necessity now a days though. People “Like” so many things I would rather not see. I felt the family i thought I knew I really didn’t. it was an eye opener. My mother in law is on it and she just likes keeping up with old friends. Then there is everyones birthday and posting “happy birthday”…goodness if you forget to post on a wall.
i deleted everything and cannot find a way to completely close the account. i still get emails like “sos and so tagged you as family” odd as I don’t even have a pic up.
We’ve chosen to allow FB for the oldest (and personal email accounts for the youngers) because of our frequent moves. For us, it is an important tool for continuing communication and relationships with family and friends.
I told my oldest when I registered him for FB that I was “friending” not only his friends — but his friends’ parents. If he did anything stupid, they’d all see. . . He laughed, but it’s worked. (And, while there is a family member who is inappropriate at times, his friends are kids who generally have good sense.)
Being overseas, these relationships are important. Hubby and I wrote letters for the four years we were apart. It’s not the same world. . . Email, fb, skype. . . I’m not going to cut off my children’s community by disallowing this tool.
And. . . they are using it wisely. . .
When my oldest (public schooled) were teenagers, they had MySpace and then FB accounts. We had their passwords and checked up on their friends (who didn’t always realize their friend’s parents were finding out who was skipping school and who was throwing the party). It was a good tool to monitor what was going on out there. When we needed to, we banned social networking in the house, which was like being grounded from the telephone when I was a kid! We didn’t have any major problems with FB overall, in fact, FB was the only way to stay in touch with them after they moved out and went to college!
As for my younger set of kids…I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Facebook is like any other form of media – TV, movies, books, music – monitoring your kids is vital.
For me personally, it has been a great way to keep in touch with my kids when away at college, and all those young adults who used to hang out at our house filling it with joyful noise when they were in middle and high school. I chat with cousins I rarely see, dear friends spread across the country, and my nephew who is serving in the Peace Corps in Nicaragua.
I also use it a great deal as a social media tool for the nonprofit I work for. Because we are so small, fundraising mailing costs (printing, supplies, postage & staff time) were to the point that we were LOSING money with direct mail. Through just the first 3 quarters of 2011, we have already surpassed what we raised all of 2010 95% via the internet, mostly Facebook Causes.
People who support our racial justice work that have Facebook pages can even create a “birthday wish” and invite their friends and family to donate to our Cause in lieu of a gift.
It is the wave of the future . . . maybe not Facebook per se, but electronic/social media.
Moderation and wise choices are what keep it in check. Just my 2 cents!!!
This was a very informative post, I happen to use Facebook for it’s chat feature and I tend to avoid mindless games or statuses, those do not interest me at all. I enjoy how I can talk to someone online quickly and efficiently but that’s the only real reason why I even have Facebook. As a teenager myself, I see my classmates posting the most mindless and pointless statuses that truly do not interest me at all, I think more parents need to be monitoring what their children do online at an early age before allowing them online freedom. My own parents were fairly strict until I was about 13 and then I was given a lot more freedom, I knew which sites were appropriate and which weren’t and I’m glad that my parents taught me that from a younger age. Now (as a 17 year old), I’m also grateful that I’m not constantly monitored by them, I think it’s important that as teenagers mature, they are allowed to make their own decisions and choices by being given more freedom whether online or in day to day situations.