I'd love to be upbeat and witty this morning but I can't. My heart is heavy because I learned that a woman I know has just been charged with Homicide by Neglect (along with her husband, who I've never met) and assault of a child…and it's hard to be witty after waking up to that. This lady is an acquaintance, one I've met on several occasions. We've chatted about homeschooling and large families. I am friends with several of her friends. What is there to say?
I am sick for her dead child. For her living children. For her and her husband. For her adopted child's birth family. I am sad and worried for about the bad name this gives to large adoptive families. I have no doubt there are naysayers right now spreading the word that this is why large families shouldn't adopt. Why they shouldn't be allowed to homeschool.
Yes, I'm much too saddened by this to be witty or even halfway intellegent this morning. So instead, I will direct you to people who are.
I just discovered this hilarious blog about parenting: Crappy Pictures. It might even need a warning label: blog covers topics such as exrement, bodily fluids and contains swearing. It may persuade you to run to your nearest drug store for some form of birth control. But if you're already a parent, you'll love it.
And here are a couple of great resources for Montessori at home. I haven't posted about Avi and Tucker's school activities yet (as promised) because I haven't actually gotten around to planning anything yet.
*ahem*
And a HUGE thank you to everyone who voted for the Circle of Mom's Top Big Family Blogger. As it turns out, Smiles and Trials beat me by about 60 votes. I guess that makes me the Not Quite Top Big Family Blogger. But I'll take what I can get 
I, along with the other top 25, will be featured on their round up with a photo and interview. Thank you again for all of your votes!
And keep coming back, because I have a couple of fun giveaways coming up soon!
I’m so sorry to hear that sad news. What an awful story! And I’m sorry, too, that you weren’t quite top blogger — I voted from home and work almost every day. xo xo.
Sorry to hear I read the story yesterday and wondered why it had to happen, one of m dearest friends lost her son 2 months ago in a brutal way his Dad plead guilty, my kids and I are still dealing with his loss.
I have found things in the news don’t give large families bad raps up here, I am largeish (9 people daily and three step kids who live in another province)
I also get the things said to me like ou did with Apollo at the feeding assesment but respond the same. And from you I have passed a wealth of info on to my best friend who is a FP, it was the info ou sharred about FAS/FAE in baby’s that finally got her some sleep and the knowing that what she was dealing with is normal!
Sorry I am all over the place sleep dep at it’s finest.
The murder of Hana Williams does not reflect badly on large families, or homeschooling, or even fundamentalist Christianity. It does reflect badly on Michael and Debi Pearl, who should be charged as accessories to this and other murders, and to anyone else who follows the abusive child-rearing practices of To Train Up a Child.
I’m sorry too about the news. It just makes you shake your head, doesn’t it?! I was just reading a news story here in PA about a family that locked their child in a coffin in the basement!
http://www.kval.com/news/local/130871178.html
If you can stomach it, this article provides much more information on Hana’s death. Overall, this is a case of religious fanaticism taken to a cruel, inexcusable extreme. Unfortunately, this is not the first death of a child linked to the parenting book “To Train Up Your Child” by Michael and Debi Pearl. While the Williams’ crimes may paint international adoption, large families, and homeschooling in an unflattering light, hopefully changes can be made to the system to prevent another child’s death.
I guess there are the naysayers, but I do not think it is related. Statistically, are more children abused/neglected in large families (6+ in my opinion) or in small families? I have known more large than small families, and have not had ONE friend or associate who has ever abused their children. I mean as far as I know, and while you cant know everything I feel confident in saying it was unlikely in all situations. I was in their homes, babysat their children, nothing was ever said that would have “triggered” worry. I did know, growing up, children who were abused-thus fostered- from small families. I can only remember one large. So when people say that large families shouldnt adopt and homeschool, they should look at the news and pay attention to the stories where families with just 1 or 2 children have an abuse situation. In a large family, one would have to worry MORE than one child would slip up, and tell someone. It seems that parents of large families would get hemmed up faster so abuse would be less likely. Just my theory, but them I am HUGE supporter of large families. They are my preferred species of homeschoolers…I am so sad and sorry for this little girl. I pray that God will heal the minds of those alive and give this little girl her own angel right away. Pray that mama and daddy of this child can ask for forgiveness from God.
I voted for you a few times, because I do enjoy your blog!
And I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend’s daughter. I read the affidavit for the arrest and was so sad at some of the ways Hannah suffered.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/66907264/Probable-Cause
Renee,
That was a great picture. I really liked the sun streaming. Horrible about Hanna. It makes me feel sick.
I enjoy your recomendations on montessorri things (you do know how to have fun) so I checked out the sites. Thanks for doing that. I still prefer your school ideas, because you’re a bit… um… more practical…
I voted for you three times, everyday. I wish you had won, but your still “top-blogger” in my book.
Regarding Hana…this is a terrible case. I, too, fear that folks will stop thinking when they read “large, Christian, homeschooling family” and pigeonhole us all as abusers. Daily there are terrible stories of abuse of children splashed about on the news. Never do they highlight it when a child was public-schooled or an only child. This also can’t be pinned on the Pearls. While I do not recommend their books, I have read them. Any thoughtful person knows that they aren’t telling parents to *beat* a child to death. They advocate obedience and spanking as ONE method to encourage obedience, but not beating. There is a huge difference between the two. This father and mother likely had lots of other parenting books on their shelves, too. Mom (if not Dad) didn’t like the adopted children from the time they arrived and she even told people she regretted adopting them, according to the scribed document. They should have looked at disrupting the adoption when they realized they couldn’t handle the children’s needs. It’s truly tragic. I wish I could have taken that poor girl and kept her safe. My heart is broken for her brothers and sisters, too.
I do wonder what all was going on. We don’t have the whole story. Maybe she refused to eat.
Still, what a tragedy.
K wow…read the story…sounds like they admitted everything. So…wow. How tragic.
“we don’t have the whole story…maybe she refused to eat”?….and that justifies sleeping outside in a barn, showering outside naked in cold water, utilizing a port a potty, being locked in dark moist closets and showers rooms, and being ignored on birthdays and family holidays?
Do NOT blame the child, Mrs. Taft.
Renee, I am sorry to hear about your personal connection with the Williams and their children, however distant if may have been. Tragic. Please know that I do not view homeschooling or large families any differently. Conversely I think it highlights the need for more careful adoption screening, follow-up, and the stigma of respite/disruption. Would it have been different if Mrs. Williams felt she could seek help when she didn’t “bond” with her children? Would they have received respite care? Could disruption have been a possibility? What needs to change to ensure this does not happen again? Admitting and asking for help should not be viewed as a failure. It very well might have saved a life and a family here.
I apologize, Mrs. Taft, I read your second comment. I was under the impression that you had read the article and understood the facts around the case when you suggested Hana may have had something to do with it. I realize now that was not the case.
Again, I apologize. My assumption was my ignorance.
I just read this link: http://www.scribd.com/doc/66907264/Probable-Cause
It is heart wrenching and soul crushing. As soon as I finished I thought this makes me want to go scoop up my babies and cuddle them. At just that moment my little one started wailing…luckily he had a poopy diaper so I had an excuse to get him out of the crib in the middle of the night for some snuggles and kisses and rocking back to sleep.
It is so heart breaking that any children are treated like Hana.
They have not been charged by homicide with neglect. Re-read the documents. They have been charged with homicide by child abuse and first degree child assault.
I don’t have objections to big families or homeschooling. I do object to these isolated family compounds where people seem to do whatever they want with no accountability whatsoever except from people who think just like they do and feel that many of the measures that these “parents” took were just fine, except they just took it “a little too far”. I do object to no effective post-adoption follow-up. I do object to beating, starving, and freezing a child to death. Call me crazy.
Austin, thank you for the correction. I was reading that document late at night and was naturally disturbed by it. And yes, it is hard to imagine that nobody suspected anything was amiss. And let me say, there is virtually no post-adoption support for international adoption… And that is a problem as well.
Sent from my iPhone
Although this tragedy did not make me personally question adoption/large families/homeschooling,in all of the articles I read, when I read the comments as well, there was a large, vocal representation of people who DID question those things. So I can understand why you mentioned that potential fallout in your post. That is so sad.
Of course I can’t imagine what all went wrong inside of this family to allow this to occur. But I have often thought that there is no acceptable place or manner for parents to admit when they are overwhelmed or are tempted to go too far when disciplining their children. There is a great deal of shame associated with it so people often keep it hidden instead of reaching out for the help they so desperately need.
I live and work at an orphanage in Mozambique and it pains me greatly to imagine this young girl leaving her life of presumed lack or suffering behind, dreaming of a new life and love, and finding a nightmare instead.
“This also can’t be pinned on the Pearls. While I do not recommend their books, I have read them. Any thoughtful person knows that they aren’t telling parents to *beat* a child to death.”
I understand this direction of thinking.
However. . .
In my experience, a lot of parents first read TTUAC with what a friend calls having a “good-mommy filter” on. . . only the positives come through in an initial reading (tying heartstrings, being consistent, etc.)
But, when parents are struggling or their children aren’t conforming, they go back to TTUAC. And what messages are found then? Consistency (which can be good), and beyond that a “parents-must-win-at-all-costs” message.
While this is just one quote, it illustrates a repeated theme in their writings,
“And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.”
from To Train Up a Child, by Michael and Debi Pearl
Chapter 6: Applying the Rod)
Defeat totally. No compromise.
Consistency.
Train through swatting (smacking, spanking, switching… different terms used in different places in the book. . . regardless, “training” uses an implement on a child’s skin to case pain.)
It doesn’t take long to see that if a child is not “easily” trained and compliant immediately, a parent trying to do the “right” thing will be led by the Pearls’ teachings and philosophy to abuse.
A child who doesn’t understand, doesn’t comply, or isn’t submissive right away. . . A parent is taught to be consistent, defeat totally, continue spanking/swatting/smacking. . .
In this context, can you see how easily the Pearls’ teachings can lead to abuse?
I’ve know parents. . . loving, well-meaning, dear parents. . . Parents who never spanked in anger. . . who got to the point where they saw they were ABUSING their children (in love. . . with good intentions) because of this underlying theme of consistency and total defeat.
Does this help make sense of why some people are very upset and alarmed about a resource some parents only remember as helpful?