{I want to preface this post by saying, this is how we parent.  I don’t have all the answers for my own children and I most certainly don’t have all the answers for *your* children. This is simply a reflection of our family, not a judgement or suggestion for yours.}

When our first child, Adalia, was born over 18 years ago, you probably would have called me a “hover-mother”. I was convinced that attachment parenting (they didn’t even call it that back then) was the way to parent. I held her constantly, she slept with us, she never had a pacifier or bottle or went to the church nursery. And babysitter? As in a teen who would come care for her a few hours? No way.

We didn’t send her to preschool when she turned three (the idea of my toddler spending the day, or a few hours, away from me was unfathomable). More children joined our family, and we did the same with them. No one headed off to kindergarten at age five.

I have been surprised over the last few years, that our friends aren’t nearly as enthusiastic about sending their kids with Teen Missions International as Chuck and I have been. It has become obvious that our friends think we are a bit crazy for sending our kids to far-flung destinations (Honduras, Zambia, Malawi, Guatemala) where we know we will have little (or likely no) contact at all. We got many raised eyebrows when Tilly headed to Colombia with her grandparents last fall.

As I’ve pondered it, I have realized we smoothly go from attachment/keeping our kids close/sheltered, to sending them off on amazing adventures in their teen years. So how does this transformation take place? I’m not sure myself, since it has honestly come so easily, so naturally. Our kids, who we have kept much “closer” in their younger years than many of our parenting peers, have been on many more adventures that those peers’ kids in their  teen years.

1. We keep our children close when they are little to focus on attachment (as babies) and obedience and training (as toddlers/preschoolers/young children). There is so much learning/shaping that takes place in the first few years. Chuck and I want to be the primary influence on our children at those ages. We want to shape: their eating habits, their manners, their attitudes. We want to be there when they are sad, to kiss them when they’re hurt. To encourage them when they are struggling. To celebrate their victories. To guide them, to protect them.

2. We homeschool because we feel like they get the best education that way (with an exception being made for our special needs kids, who have learned much more in a traditional school setting). We now have a proven track record (man that feels good) with two of our homeschool “graduates” pulling straight A’s in the Community College and Adalia graduating a quarter early with both her High School diploma and general Associate of Arts degree.

3. As our children grow and mature, we embrace the amazing opportunities that have arisen for them. Japanese class, Missoula Children’s Theater, Boy Scouts, Teen Missions.  These have given our children the opportunity to spread their wings, experience more of our community and grow as individuals. By the time they are out in the community, in classes, they are confident in themselves.

Adalia, with no prior school experience, was the  youngest student to ever take doula training at Bastyr University (she had just turned 14). Judah spent ten days canoeing adventure on the Bowron Lakes circuits at age 13.  Enoch and Judah have both been on 50 mile (!) hikes with Boy Scouts. Adalia headed to Honduras at age 15 (and met her soon-to-be-husband), Judah spent last summer in Zambia, Tilly spent two weeks in Colombia this last fall (she traveled to both Bogota and a remote jungle village). Our children have come back from each of these adventures with: new friends, a new confidence in themselves and a stronger faith. They have gained confidence and grown thought difficult experiences and real-life learning. Not from getting a “participation ribbon” or being patted on the back.

You see, attachment parenting isn’t about keeping my children physically “attached” or by my side forever. Its about secure attachment, raising them to know who they are, not who I or their peers want them to be. To go from being taught to truly believing. To accomplish all they were put on this earth to do.